welcome to Odie and A- tour diary

i hope you enjoy inspired ranting herein seeings that i had to hack Odie's site to put it up while y are on road.

Dilbertry lee

(self proclaimed)

Odie and A minus
tour manager

Subject: Rockin' Road Trip
Date: Sun, 05 Aug 2001 18:50:26 +0000

hello all!

Odie and A Minus are officially on road.

we are in calgary on day 2 of our 30 day tour. first show was last night at underground. we had a show with teen locals luddits and a band from red deer called darwin's engine ( y went to highschool with luke meat!). dave in luddits put us up for night in his dad's palacial, suburbian pad (his dad was out of town, we looked through his freezer for pork chops or something to bbq but only found freezies and eggos).

we have a few days until our next show in sudbury. i think we will hang out and meet some cowboys.

talk soon,

Neighbours

Subject: Calgary
Date: Sun, 5 Aug 2001 14:35:44 -0400 (EDT)

welcome to road
here is update
after rocking until 3 in morning
we packed our things and hit road

fifteen hours later we're in Calgary outside underground for soundcheck

you'll have to excuse mylametyping

thiskeyboard blows

we played for a balmy dozen people
most of who were in bands or worked re

however Luddytes from Calgary wre kind enough to put us for night
and Darwin's Engine from Red Deer are going to hook us up with a show on way back

very excellent band

y'll be joining us for our winnipeg show

(editor's note: at this point Odie realizes how full of shit he can be)

we played quite well for our first live gig in front of strangers
i drew blood
we all rocked out
and we can't wait to come to your town and make shit crazy

this list is a little out of date
so i may not be emailing everybody i normally do
if you know that missed anybody please let me know

love

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 02 - Odie & A Minus
Date: Tue, 07 Aug 2001 23:27:15 +0000

hello, hello,

we left calgary morning after our gig. morning we discovered kids (from opening band) we were staying with were sixteen. same morning after we mashed m up all night with our heavy party at ir dad's palace. i bought cigarettes for one of kids and Clifford bought m a pitcher of beer at show. oh well, i'm sure it wasn't first time y were wrecked.

past two days have been full of around- -clock driving. we arrived in sault ste. marie this afternoon and have been drinking beer in a music bar that we tried to get a last-minute gig at. everyone's looking a little haggard and i think we're going to try and catch some sleep in a park near here. as tiring as long drive was we had fun stopping at several lakes along way for swimming. or bathing. doesn't help much, i think Odie might have to replace upholstery in his dad's car when we're done.

canadian shield is beautiful. Odie and i were driving cars for night shift last night under a bright moon. we were entertaining each o r by driving without lights. moon being only light source. exciting when that tired.

we have two days to kill in this gross town called sault ste. marie before we drive to sudbury where we're playing a beach boys "after party". Odie sure knows how to book 'em :)

it's day four and following our new frontman across country has been great so far. it's a little tough sometimes to step aside and assume unauthoritive position of a sidesman, but i think i can deal. sometimes i have to remind Dilbert i am still his frontman when he steps outta line...

talk soon,

Garfield

Subject: sudbury
Date: Wed, 8 Aug 2001 21:51:36 -0400 (EDT)

what's this? day five?

after lounging in Sault Ste. Marie for an evening of mosquitos and teens who bear grim message,

"go...don't stay...whatever you do, don't get stuck here..." we hopped into our respectiv machines and hauled ass to shoulder of freeway outside town

we found a suitable location to crash for night on our highway, just past two guys who looked like y were resuscitating a third sprawled man on side of road y didn't try to flag us down and our jaded minds instantly registered "ambush" so we moved along our way hoping this poor soul was simply drunk and fallen down, being picked up by his goonish friends on a crazy Tuesday night outside Sault Ste. Marie

apparently we weren't too guilt-stricken to sleep next to semi-trucks barreling past (passed?) us on ir speed fueled trajectory

this afternoon's high light was a two hour splash in some lake and n arriving in Sudbury a day early for our show to find biggest score in Sudbury yet

Townehouse Tavern

call me green if you already know about this place all of you kids in bands must check this place out very cool place to play on your way through se parts

thanks to Johnny Sizzle for recommendation

y put you up for night in this sweet basement suite and i mean zweet

guys re are super cool and, for fish out re, beer is cheap and cold

so we unloaded our cars into basement and set up for a very quiet rehearsal

now we're here

Friday we'll be rolling into Toronto and speaking of rolling, all of you in Toronto area, what do you think of some sushi?

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 03 - Odie & A Minus
Date: Sun, 12 Aug 2001 17:49:31 +0000

so we're exhausted leaving sault ste. marie. Clifford's "at end of his rope". we decide to make our collective bed on side of freeway. i drink a six pack of king of beer to pass out. wake up to large trucks rocketing past.

we set out for sudbury. stop at several lakes on way to splash and cool off in. it's hot. both Odie and i have driver tans. well, mine's more of a burn. one lake we stop at is crowded with families and meatballs. Clifford gets Odie to spin him around on a tire swing until he pukes green bile. a couple of picnicing families seem amused. he has trouble walking after. says he's back to normal.

we arrive in sudbury to biggest win. an aprtment suite under townehouse tavern waiting for us. man this place is cool. so is staff. we chill out and sleep forever. we spend our night off checking out a local punk gig in an arcade called games room. bartender working re is a guy named belgium. he's from chilliwack as well. we dont remember him. he doesnt remember us.

we spend gig day at beach in sudbury. a nice lake overshadowed by a large smokestack. i sat on beach and smoked cigarettes.

right before we played two doors down from beach boys gig we went for pasta. at vesta pasta. great homemade pasta. Clifford said he was going to pass out. i reached for his greek salad. not in time though as his face hit plate. he said it was better as it cushioned his fall. he figured it was sunstroke. Dilbert and i figured it was tire swing.

Clifford recovered and we rocked townehouse tavern.

(sheamny)

Subject: toronto
Date: Sat, 11 Aug 2001 16:17:41 -0400 (EDT)

day 8

Toronto

fucking hot

leaving our basement suite in Sudbury was a little difficult for some of us
however once we reached freeway and joined Toronto bound traffic things started speeding up exponentially

closer to this damn insane city that we traveled, faster everybody started driving it was hard to keep up with agro level
but rose to occasion
first impressions this time around of this city
is that this city has a big fucking chip on it's shoulder and y don't like people
go figure, it's like 30 degrees and jam packed full of cretins on a friday afternoon

tonight we head to Stratford
sorry i'm short on cool stories
not too eventful for me last two days
why don't you all ask Shammy how Ashley MacIsaac was last night

Townehouse was a great show

hopefully Stratford will be as good

Odie

Subject: Stratford
Date: Sun, 12 Aug 2001 06:43:37 -0400 (EDT)

sun is coming up on day nine
re are a few clouds out re
ir chances for survival are looking grim
today will continue to burn us

we have just returned home from Stratford a town outside of Toronto that seems to exist solely on it's arts and atre

i had woken A minus boyz last night from ir slumber just in time to book it for Stratford
it seemed like a long drive into nowhere
we started to get feeling that as cities began to slip away and farms began to take ir places that Tapuz Lounge was Roscoe's barn wherein he would pull up a few wooden crates lay a plank across it with a bottle of moonshine and say, "welcome to Tapuz Cocktail Lounge."

Stratford

28 000

we finally got into town and things got quaint
like real fast might have been a cool town but our experience was limited to four hour set we blazed through at cocktail lounge
it looked to seat about forty people

A minus took one look through front window and turned right back around
basically it's like this
your Mom and Dad are having a romantic dinner and you think, "what y need is some rock and roll."
very elegant location with some nice art on walls

when boyz heard that some hard core band played re last week on this little stage complete with a full drum kit and ir numerous stacks of speakers ir hesitations melted away

young and old alike, i don't mind thinking that we charmed m all
spirits were good and i mean spirits
Nick set up show and fed band booze too

point where Shammy was no longer with us probably about as bad as he's been yet
i mean it's one thing to plug someone's nose and have m not wake up
but when you open ir eye and pupil doesn't react to light you get an creepy feeling that doesn't wash away with a nervous laugh

apparently Nick from Tapuz will be joining Monday's bill with his band, Lungbutter
all i heard was word Fugazi

see you at Sneaky Dee's this Monday

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 04 - Odie & Ashley MacIssac
Date: Mon, 13 Aug 2001 17:33:41 +0000

felt better leaving sudbury. we slept til about one in cavern under townehouse tavern. we hit road to toronto at panic speed. wiring in Odie's acoustic needed attention after it cut out during our set. probably from sweat or being thrown around. my jazzmaster has a couple of battle scars from se physical sets as well. fondly remembering days of those shoegazing, mellow sets with STATIONa.

as we neared toronto traffic got faster. i was following Odie in and out of traffic at ridiculous speeds. we arrived intact to a comfortable apartment. unloaded our gear. went to "beer store". 6 pack of grolsh for 9 bucks. fancy and cheap.

after showering for first time on trip we took subway to a party happening on queen (we weren't showering toge r). it was a newfie party. weird cats. once drunk enough a group of newfies will sing toge r. for a long time. like sea chanties and great big sea. newfies are pretty good. looking forward to our time in st. john.

after we had enough of sing-alongs we went downtown. ended up at horseshoe tavern. ashley macissac was playing re. fuck he sucks.

next day was spent exploring area around bloor and bathirst. cool record stores and an excellent art book store. Odie's solo acoustic gig in stratford turned into a rock gig at last minute. we arrived at cafe/venue re and Dilbert and i were laughing at idea of playing this quiet spot. after being told that a hardcore band played re last week we set up. it was a four hour set. turned into a hippie jam for awhile. great response. free beer all night. apparently Odie was opening my eyelids after i passed out; my pupils giving no response.

yesterday Dilbert and i rode subway. went to art gallery of ontario. it was sold out. i couldnt believe it. Dilbert asked "who likes art?". discouraged at a couple o r P.O.I. being closed or sold out on a sunday we ended up in a bar. 8 hours, 12 rounds later we left. that's a full shift. tour is hard work.

we went home. walked up to house and saw something shiny moving around in dark front room. it was Clifford by himself with a large sword.

Clifford saw movie "ghost world" yesterday. said it was real good. i might see matinee today if everything else is closed.

see you all at our gig tonight at sneaky dee's in toronto. should be a good one.

(Garfield)

Subject: high lights
Date: Sun, 12 Aug 2001 14:43:01 -0400 (EDT)

a few important facts that were missed along way:

meatball lake:
Clifford (Pickles Wigglsum) needs a tire spin= Pickles pukes a ring of green bile for an audience of one vacationing family
Pickles late goes on to pass out in his salad while in Sudbury

old woman bay:
Garfield (Uncle Gumby Squidlimbs Shammy Eagle Sun) flashes one vacationing family on shores of lake superior

as of yet:
Dilbert (Asse: pronounced "Ace" i have not learned how to use accents in this email) has not yet plunged into depths of family misdemeanors.

=

see what happens when you get married, you lose your edge

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 05 - Toronto
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 17:44:12 +0000

toronto's fantastic.
we are heading out now.
after four days of easy livin' and relaxin'.
seein' and doin'.
air might suck, as does water.
but soooooo much culture and
ethnic diversity.
including my new newfie posse.
that helped our show last night rise above
what seemed like a doomed start;
with P.A. difficulties
and like.
Odie was on his knees,
rock boiling through his veins
to a great crowd
including my friend jimmy rocket.
we partied after
in a club with fantastic furniture.
see you in montreal.

(Garfield)

Subject: quebec
Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2001 23:06:10 -0400 (EDT)

day thirteen

well shit

sorry for lack of email se last couple of days
having left our lap of luxury in Toronto internet became a mysterious and rare force in Québec

first things first

this is a French keyboard

we joked to each o r today about finding a internet cafe in Montréal and if keyboards would be in French

sure enough

my typing will be substandard

let`s travel back in time about three days

sneaky dee`s on Bathurst and college at last moment we scrounged toge r Lungbutter from Stratford to play show with us

things began to take a grim turn as PA system turned from awesome to turd cakes

pressure rose to a very unlikable level
i had accepted that this would worst show of trip

a last minute booking with no postering and a lousy PA

it rocked

as a result we now bear an air of invincibility
unstoppable

next day we crawled out of bed at a very late hour and started getting ready for a short drive to Montréal

we picked up Julia`s friend Sylvia and started our day off with some premium Toronto rush hour traffic and scored a place to stay at Anna`s bro r`s apartment for two days in Montréal

mindless and guidless, `A' minus discovered what made Montréal best city in Canada for m

dep
also called a convenience bar
liberty to walk streets armed with booze wrapped in brown paper

so we made like a mobile bar
your sober narrator at wheel and monsters at bottle
Montréal is a beautiful town

stay tuned for a show on way back

we left today after some nize breakfast at Buymore's
once again in rush hour traffic this was first time we had put entire rhythm section in ir own car
bad news
never put two stoners toge r with no adult supervision
Shammy may be a drunk but he's a pretty sharp drunk
very irresponsible on our part

Ace and Pickles do not have email, no credit cards, no cell phones, no road maps,
we`re pretty certain y don't know exactly when next show is let alone where
we just hope y caught right exit to
east instead of nor rn Québec

did i mention we lost m just outside of Montéal?

we are in Québec city
a band with no rhythm section
tomorrow night and saturday we will be Halifax
our show is saturday night at Khyber club with All Tuck

hopefully with a whole band

last note:
web site is finally working
so i can start updating it again

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 06 - 100% Odie & 75% STATIONa
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 03:42:42 +0000

Currently we are 100% Odie and 25% STATIONa.
Or 100% Odie and 33% A Minus.

we left montreal today after a brief exciting stay. i hopped into Odie`s car and left Clifford and Dilbert in o r car.

bad idea. Odie put pedal to metal and we left ol`barold in dust. arriving in quebec city a little before dark we realised that Dilbert and Clifford (stoners) have no map, credit card, and probably no knowledge of location or time of our next gig.

we chilled in montreal for a day and got put up by a friend of Odie`s that we drove from toronto. montreal is great. A Minus discovered that one can buy stella artois for 2 bucks and drink on street. we put mobile bar in motion (with our sober chauf`jo-jo) and cruised city. one of Odie`s friends is working on setting up a gig for us on way back. keep you posted.

we arrive in nova scotia tomorrow to deliver rock.

take care,

shammy

Subject: halifax
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 15:48:45 -0400 (EDT)

day fourteen

our experience, of all things, in Quebec city was two hours of checking our email in an Irish pub

our rhythm section gave us a call many hours after we had lost m
whose looking hot now?

y were a three hour drive ahead of us and in ano r province

feeling our heads turning into one hundred percent ass we made for maritimes as rain began to fall on Quebec city

i continued to drive until almost five in morning and n relinquished command to semi-capable Shammy

some time later i awoke near Fredericton to his grinning fool face

"guess who i found?"

who else?

our rhythm section sprawled inside wagon on side of road

in true manner of this abusive rock and roll trip

we crept our car up very close to driver's door and laid in on horn

heads leapt up like burning frogs followed very closely with flipped birds and snarled faces

Clifford didn't have much to share
let's just say he looked damn pissed as he fired up engine and tore a strip down freeway with me hanging on for dear life to roof rack

we left m re again

confident that we had misjudged ir survival skillz and that y would make ir way to Halifax just fine

sure enough later that day at magnetic hill near Moncton someone connected us to o r wagon and said y passed through earlier

now we are in Halifax

re are hordes of posters up for tomorrow

night's show

see you at Khyber club

Odie

Subject : Tour Diary 07 - Stoners Outrock On Roadkill!
Date : Fri, 17 Aug 2001 19:52:33 +0000
Subject : Re: Tour Diary 07 - Stoners Outrock On Roadkill!
What, no outrageous puking stories to tell today?

Subject : Re: Tour Diary 07 - Stoners Outrock On Roadkill!
Wait, I think I just shit out of my mouth.

Subject: halifax continued
Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2001 11:47:54 -0400 (EDT)

day fifteen

halfway point

last week has been sailing

we're all a little worse for wear today
University of Dalhousie was kind enough to put us up for night
despite being one to crash on a concrete floor with no blanket i may have been one to get most sleep

our trip may take a decidedly ugly turn at this point
we just picked up Garfield's girlfriend and her dog last night
meaning we just doubled our gear

imagine this:

we have woken up tired
now we soldier through a day in muggy overcast town of Halifax
we rock our fucking brains out tonight and as soon as it's done we cleverly pack our gear into car in such a manner that we will be able to fit all of us and n book it straight for ferry that night

y hate me

i know it

y do not vocalize it

but every time i say it's time to go ir eyes glaze over and words "JESUS CHRIST!" wash over ir faces

it's okay

i hate m too

which is why every time y sit down and order ano r beer, words "JESUS CHRIST!" wash over my face and i say "it's time to go"


Halifax

we caught a glimpse of this chuckle head special last night
a Friday night
a regular plate of spaghetti topped with extra meatballs
we fit in just fine
if you're not a meatball here you're a hippy i chose former

it's quite a pretty town as i remembered
all charm and convenience of available parking found in a small town with a dash of happening lifestyle of big city

y do nothing here to dispel stereotype of maritime
in fact y promote it, culture it, and breed it feed ir crop of east coast charm to tourists and gagglers

yes
everyone out here does play fiddle at farmer's market located in brewery
a prepubescent boy wails some classic folk diddy as he almost exits earshot we come across a quintet stroking some Chopin or Beethoven

a door closes behind us shutting out fiddle tag team royal rumble and we spy a teenage girl with her electric pink hair and matching "69" shirt shredding some oldies but goodies
now don't be spreading rumours that i was checking out teenage fiddling girls but i am pretty sure she had button on seat of her pants that said "FUCK YOU" in Austin Powers type face

maybe i was projecting my sentiments of tourist bin

tonight we play Khyber Club on Barrington street
o r main drag in town right across street from dance club that shoots wads of Janet Jackson into street

we will prevail

Odie

Subject: St. John's
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 13:54:24 -0400 (EDT)

day 18

we last left you at Khyber cafe in Halifax

perhaps our most challenging show so far

however a lot of fun none less

immediately after show our gear was loaded up in a superior packing effort
we now had Jen and her dog Maggie with us

staff of Khyber imparted a morbid warning of meatball hour
and that we should leave before it ascended upon us all

according to local legend, meatball hour
begins at about two o'clock when all of bars let out
ogres crawl from ir caves in a stupid and messy fashion to begin hitting each o r
n gridlock kicks in and downtown area becomes a swamp of losers, cops, cars and violence

this would not be supplemental to us getting to our ferry in next few hours

we had already started out like bags of jelly despite full night of sleep from night before

it was not enough to compensate for punishing drive from Montreal
add a full muggy day in Halifax and a rock show and you've got some uselessness

one thing i have to say about Vancouver

Transit system

"right on"

stop whining next time you catch your stupid bus because buses out here blow

somewhere north of Halifax road began to do twisted things that refused to make sense
after a short freeway nap we could continue well enough to make it to ferry

it's been three years since i have been on east coast
and i was never sort to see sun rise
perhaps sun rising behind water and not mountains has some profound effect but i have never seen a sun so red like a droplet of blood on a creamy morning sky

ferry ride was quite uneventful
we all slept head to toe on bench seats that lined walls of bar
only interrupted twice by a very large man
he situated himself inside his command booth encircled by drum machines, casio keyboards, guitars, trinkets, mops and gidgetry

it was almost as if years ago he scored this
regular gig on ferry and had grown to suit shape of his round office

he played hits
re would be no kidding us that we were on way to Newfoundland

for most part his soggy tunes washed past me
and let me sleep blissfully
however i stirred at one point to banging sounds of indeterminable objects prancing up and down aisles and sight of a mop hanging from big guy's pocket

i mustered up a little chuckle and thought
"funny"
n rolled over and made like it was an odd dream that i had to get back to

we arrived in fog

we drove in rain

a relief from heat scorched tear across Canada

we spent an evening visiting my old haunts in my home town of Corner Brook
most offensive moment being walmart now next door to my junior high school

what a sack of assholes

night was squandered in Casual Jack's which was new to me but re were some familiar faces
had a known Glenn Foote was no longer a scrawny buck too d runt with coke bottle glasses and now a thick buck too d oaf with coke bottle glasses i might have said hi earlier

after a good night's sleep at Corner Brook Hotel (reportedly cheapest place in town) we made for St. John's, just in time for our show at Ship Inn

Cherie and her gang Secret Cervix blazed through a rocking set that tested grit of older crowd, comprised mostly of my Mom and her friends who stuck around long enough to catch a few of our somewhat gentler tunes

big shocker last night was seeing high school metal head Stephen Pardy re

show went over well enough that we played our set twice with a solo set in middle and finished it off with a twenty minute rendition of
" loving dead"

seventies lives on in those born from it

we may possibly have two more shows here before we leave

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 09 - Shammy's Highlights
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 23:54:08 +0000

in st. johns nfld. now. cities just keep getting better fur r east one goes. we played last night to a packed bar and Odie's mum. won ano r gig for tonight at a place called steel mountain records. spent day at cape spear, eastern most point in canada. splendid! red cliffs, dangerous surf...

halifax is a good place. met lots of good people re. al tuck opened show... used to play with superfriends or something. even lovely tara mcfarlane from van showed up. jen and dog maggie made trip from PEI and have joined journey west, well, not west yet.

shammy's maritime highlights:

1) Clifford's hair.

man; wings, sweep - it's a different style everyday. he doesn't even work on it. i'll try and send a photo next time. if you like style(s) pay sarah a visit at beehive. it's Clifford's two month natural modification on her handiwork.

2) fat music guy on ferry.

he was great. woke me up, kept me up with his song. (see Odie's entry).

3) Clifford's new stage names.

Clifford left vancouver with stage name Pickles Wigglesome. since calgary he is Pickles Pork Puff. just don't call him Hatchet.

4) Odie's band introductions.

y always end with, "...and i'm your host jo-jo." now, that's funny. i enjoy it everytime.

5) newfoundland is halfway point with less than half time to tour back to BC. now, that's funny.

6) how uptight Odie perceives himself (this excerpt from a previous Odie diary entry):

y hate me
i know it
y do not vocalize it
but every time i say it's time to go
ir eyes glaze over and words "JESUS CHRIST!" wash over ir faces

it's okay

i hate m too

which is why every time y sit down and order ano r beer, words "JESUS CHRIST!" wash over my face and i say "it's time to go"

7) still finding driving at night without lights entertaining. only in small doses of course. don't worry about us. we're real safe drivers. haggard and safe.

8) amount of nova scotian roadkill is unbelievable.

9) Clifford's reason for sporting a beard.

he figures without it his hair would make him look like a girl.

gotta go and put my rock face on.

xoxo

Garfield

Subject: Tour Diary 10 - Odie & Hot Damns
Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2001 03:59:07 +0000

10 minutes ago we rocked this little joint.

hot damn folks in st. johns kick ass.

except for fucking meatballs sparing with light poles out on street. punching poles and mselves.

i guess y kick ass in ir own way. right?

none less i love this place.

good night. (Garfield)

Subject: St. John's continued
Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2001 00:28:05 -0400 (EDT)

now later in day of day nineteen

ignore how last message was for day eighteen

my shirt is still fresh with rock sweat

a ghastly chill is setting in

steel mountain records bar hosted our deal tonight

our hair is messy

my knees are bruised

smaller towns and cities are best

none of this jaded business

i'm not sure if i've said this before

it's worth bringing up again

one more day and our journey turns 180

all we have to look forward to is home

i'm looking forward to seeing you all again

i hope you don't take it personally when all that i have to say is how much i want to leave

Odie

Subject: return home: toronto
Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001 23:45:42 -0400 (EDT)

day 22?

we got off of ferry last night and arrived in
Toronto less than 24 hours later
two casualties on road
some fox type creature at hands of Dilbert
one crow by my own doing
blood shed
i'm exhausted after blazing across three
provinces in such a short time
a good sixteen hours worth of driving have burned
permanent visions of freeway into my retina

Krysta-Sue served us breakfast a few days ago
Krysta-Sue stumbled in on our Tuesday show
Krysta-Sue rode same ferry to main land with us

we ran into her and her friend Lesley who were on
ir way to Antigonish for a music festival
her personality much reminded me of scrambled
eggs i ordered from her restaurant
she would arrive on scene in a ball of directionless energy
good folks
we rode as a caravan as far as Moncton

apparently we introduced m to speeding and passing cars
and in true A minus fashion, band got m stoned
which i hear is nothing new to m
kids se days

we've now covered width of this country and have only reruns to look forward to

our arrival in Toronto was unexpected
as a result we suffered some homelessness for a brief period
Alban pulled through for us and set us up for night
in return we presented a boon of beer

this Monday it's time to rock Reverb
and n we continue west
to Winnipeg and Calgary and home

side about Newfoundland:
kid asks me "are you any relation to Jackie Chan?"
"distantly" i reply
you don't get a whole lot of Chinese folk running around on island
it's better than getting compared to that Moist fellow

Odie

Subject: return home: toronto heavy levy
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 17:00:21 -0400 (EDT)

day 24

you are all receiving this letter
on account of fact that i am too lazy to make a separate list

tonight we rock Reverb in Toronto
shows starts at ten

check this out
our friend roadkill from Friday
dealt a cool 2000 dollars worth of dammage to Daddy Wagon

we've had ano r good stay in this town
many a late night i have strolled into headquarters
and caught tail end of a heated game of Risk
an astronomical number of b'ys from back home
had taken residence dans chez Alban
or as some may call it: Boat House

i witnessed ir limits
Saturday night was too huge
following day revealed a filthy lot of goons
death warmed over
pasty and pale
not so eager to make it to beer store before it closed

re's not much else to report that won't sound redundant at this point
i have now convinced myself that Vancouver is in fact healthiest city in Canada
correction:
most health conscious?

when i arrived in this town i paused to tie my shoe laces
upon bending over i placed my head directly into waiting arms of a minion from hell
and wrestling with demons began again
it's not often i find myself conquering se nasty bastards
most times i don't even realize y are re at all
it gets into you like a poison that you get used to
despite how it makes you an asshole
because who wouldn't be an asshole if y felt like everyday y were dying
and n you turn a valve and it pours out like sap
i admit to feeling a lot older now
in sense that i have grown out of something bad
to make room for being a very happy kid again
it's a special treasure to recover finer elements of innocence

this concludes introspective section of this message

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 11 - A is for Atlantic
Date: Tue, 28 Aug 2001 15:39:41 +0000

when gigs are as spaced out as y are re
is time for site seeing.
day after our second show in st. johns we
went to signal hill and saw an
old fort and hiked around a lot. reminds me of
what parts of europe are
probably like. having never been re i'm
guessing.

ocean water feels same as it does in
vancouver. and in japan for that matter.

we drove into white walls of fog en route to
14 hour ferry. arriving in
ferry line-up at 6am i booked a bunk.

Odie, Dilbert and Clifford hit ground running in
north sydney. made it to
toronto in under 24 hours. for some reason Odie
was in an unusual hurry. at
some point Dilbert took over driving, took m
wrong way to st. john and
hit a large animal on freeway inflicting an
estimated 1000 dollars
damage on Odie's dad's car.

jen, maggie and i set out on a more relaxed pace.
camped in north sydney.
next day we hooked up with chad karen foster
at his parent's place in
fredericton. we camped in ir backyard. chad's
dad cooked us sausages in
morning. we drove to montreal and called our
chilliwack friend megan.
she put us up in her apartment and we enjoyed
montreal for a couple of
days/nights. saw ghost world and somehow managed
to get into sold out
eric's trip reunion show.

we just arrived in toronto after an
excruciatingly hot, long drive. man,
it's hot. we play reverb tonight.

(Garfield)

Subject: Tour Diary 12 - A is also for Asshole
Date: Tue, 28 Aug 2001 15:55:35 +0000

i think we're all getting a little tired.
Odie looked as though he needed
medical attention after our show last night.
and my friend jimmy rocket
figures Clifford looks like a 12 year old with a
beard. i don't agree. i think
Clifford looks like a guy concerned with not looking
like a woman. because of
his hair of course... right?

i don't like toronto as much this time around.
that's what sucks about going
across canada. you get across and n you have
to see it all again.

we finished our show and went across street
from reverb to a real
crappy dive/pub/bar/restaurant. called michael's
or something. thought we
were winning cause beer was cheap. half price
from reverb. so
bar closes and n we're outside and n
Clifford's chatting some dude up that
wanted to dance with me. short fuse. guy
decided that BC bands suck
and punched and kicked car as we pulled away.
yelling some real bright
stuff. mixed with lots of cussing.

what a fucking asshole.

(Garfield)

Subject: return home: toronto completed
Date: Tue, 28 Aug 2001 12:27:55 -0400 (EDT)

day 25

broadcasting to you straight from this greazy internet cafe
where browser short cuts lead to child porn and lolita videos

lesson of day
music is your friend
i believed foolishly to be unstoppable
however last night i was up against myself
and one had to win
meaning o r would lose

close to vomiting
i have never felt so weak in my life
i continued to move on automatic
loading gear and unloading

when i returned to home base
i wasn't sure how i had gotten re
if i was even re at all

this was our rhythm section's first show not stoned
Clifford was absolutely frightening before show
it's odd how you can think that people are cool and mellow
and n you find that y're really just stoned
y were bouncing off of walls

all in all show went well
re was a moderate turn out
all bands played well
Corduroy and Spooky Horse were quite adept
re was however a very positive energy in air
it made me feel like a metal band at a christian youth camp

today i still feel weak
two more shows
Winnipeg on Friday
Calgary on Sunday
n it's Vancouver
we leave this city today or tomorrow
i do not look forward to loading up gear

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 13 - Tibetan Buddhist Car Damage
Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2001 00:20:01 +0000

so, morning after car kicking incident Clifford informs me that psycho that did kicking claimed to be a buddhist and is actually from tibet. we proceed to check body of car and re is a decent dent on back hatch. our friend alban thinks we might be able to find him in area and pop dent out with his head. maybe only meditation will repair damage.

Odie also informed same morning that damage on his dad's car is actually worth $1800 before labour and tax. we're getting a second opinion as soon as we can.

salutations,
Garfield & Clifford
(shammy & pickles)

Subject: Tour Diary 14 - Odie, A Minus & Thirteen Newfies
Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2001 00:39:32 +0000

hello all,

in sault ste. marie again. dunno why. this place sucks. it's our first stop since camping in parry sound. nice spot. camped for free. drove in at eleven and left at 10. noone came to collect money. win.

parry sound was jen's, maggie's and my first stop after toronto. toronto was host to ano r enjoyable stay at Odie's newfie highschool friends alban's and boat's. ir landlady (who lives next door) took definition of "uptight" to a new mental cinch. she was reeming a group of us (none of whom pay rent) out for amount of folks and dog that shouldn't be re. as she was blabbing on about problem we all have maggie jumped up on her pristine landlady garb and really pissed her.

alban figures he can smooth it over.

thirteen newfie friends that had landed on pad before A Minus enjoyed our company, moustaches and long Risk games until sunrise.

jen, maggie and i arrived at this internet cafe in sault ste. marie to find rhythm section and frontsman. noone believes Odie and i that this is a coincidence.

see you in winnepeg at roayal albert on friday,
Garfield

Subject: Tour Diary 15 - An Eastern Canada Retrospective
Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2001 02:07:43 +0000

Odie feels like an idiot. we could've stayed in toronto and watched his old friends Beans play tonight.

at reverb i come in on first song half a step too low. fiddle with my amp knobs to cover mistake in a slack fashion. look over to see Clifford wrestling his patch cable and missing first half of first song. Odie drops half a beat or something. Dilbert claims that his incompetence is in search for a resolution to ours.

but we deliver show with a necessary punk delivery. necessary, given night of happy rock we were billed with.

ice cream in esplanola is best in canada. at a place called tony's. referred to us by a couple of friends. town is totally industrial though. having said that i did take some good photos for new Nasty On cover for album City Sick. while i enjoyed black cherry and dutch chocolate in a waffle cone.

(Garfield)

Subject: return home: sault ste marie
Date: Wed, 29 Aug 2001 22:27:26 -0400 (EDT)

day 25

five days left and here we are in Sault Ste. Marie
re's not a whole lot to say anymore
more of same
we're still getting a kick out of having seen Clifford play "sober" two nights ago

picture this:
first song of set starts with a signature
"ego de la Odie" solo warm up
part way through Shammy usually drops in with a sweet guitar lick
unless he does what he did o r night
which was start off a half step low

recovery method?
he twists his face at sour note and stops playing
acts like it's not time to start
turns around and fiddles with some knobs on his amp
once again making a scape goat
out of mythical "pitch knob" on his amp
so he holds off until chorus to jump in
meanwhile Clifford is waiting in audience to make his grand entrance
as lift off approaches he hops on stage and makes for his bass
seconds count down
he's a spritely elf in his woodland home
frolicking in giant mushroom patch
what's this?
oh, silly bass guitar is not plugged in
poor guy had so much energy
he mistook his patch cable for a sea serpent
and starting wrestling it down for it's pirate's booty

i'm looking sideways at this point
one look for Shammy and his "pitch knob"
and ano r for most bizarre sight
of Clifford struggling with a bright blue patch cable
wrapped around his flailing noggin

priceless

i'm sure you'll hear from Shammy about my wonderful sense of timing:
"that Chinese guy can really keep a beat, huh?"

anyhow
we stayed in Toronto for an extra night
figuring we didn't want to end up in Winnipeg too early
with no place to stay
and a good thing too
because we're still going to be a day early
i guess driving like an asshole was uncalled for

however pulling into that gas station
with squealing tires was very worth it

so by some odd coincidence both cars of this fading tour
met in this internet cafe
and we'll hang out here until 2am wasting away
and n indulge in a motel

i can't wait to get out of this fucking province
it's a long two day haul of repetitive landscape
we'll be writing a formal proposal to Ontario
suggesting a little clear-cutting and some strip malls
just to break up monotony of Canadian Shield
i look forward to bleak endless prairies

okay

Winnipeg on Friday

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 16 - Hockey Net Breakfast
Date: Sat, 01 Sep 2001 16:34:30 +0000

Odie, A Minus, Jen, Maggie & all gear
crammed into a sudbury motel

(editor's note: he means Sault Ste. Marie when he says Sudbury)

next morning,
jen saw a sign for 2.95 breakfast
we walked into "A Taste Of Sports"
check it out if ever in sudbury
ate breakfast in a hockey net

rolled into winnepeg yesterday
met a neuro-surgeon
in largest urban park
in canada
or something like that
his dog bit maggie
and maggie bit his dog
and y were both bleeding in mouth

opening band at royal albert
martian gravediggers
were cancelled
cuz y had kids help
hump gear into bar

so we moved to first slot
for vagiants

we still had time to walk
to pyramid
to say hi to spitfires
who were scheduled to play re
but y weren't re
and were supposed to play
in 10 minutes

back at royal albert:

we knew we would hear
lots of "fuck yous"
between songs
that's type of place it is
that's type of crowd it was
so we opened with Odie's hit
"straight from hell"

by end of set
i'd chucked two beer bottles
sent out a few "fuck yous" myself
and almost hit Odie
with my guitar
i threw across stage

we were very well received

(Garfield)

Subject: return home: Winnipeg
Date: Sat, 1 Sep 2001 12:59:08 -0400 (EDT)

day 29

"a day without sunshine
is like night"

- Crown Motel
Sault Ste Marie

after using Calvin Ling's CAA membership
to get a cheap motel room
boys drank mselves into a sloppy mess

again

all of excitement of big city
holds nothing on sheer fucked-up-ed-ness
that a traveler finds in wastes of "nor rn" Ontario

let's start our day with breakfast
a reasonable request
down at Family Chef ir tag line offered:
"'A' taste of sports"
door was garnished with hockey skate handles
and we sat in a goalie's net
referee came over and served us grease cakes
with grease topping
cooked in a low-fat lard butter
my favourite part was filling:
grease nibblets

our journey that day began in thick clouds
much like night

not a whole lot was to happen
until we would reach Thunder Bay

re are quite a few fucked up characters re
some old man,
resembling Stompin' Tom's mangled cousin-bro r,
stood at a corner waiting for his walk light
only he didn't stand
he performed his monkey style kung fu kata
i recognized kata as:
"one who is enshrouded with a thousand raging snapping turtles and must get to booze for relief from tortures of a damaged mind"

light turned green
i wished him best of luck
in his battle against his invisible predators
and he began to swagger on his way
fight face

our next stop was food
we needed a bank and as such went for food across from bank
at Apollo
we recognized half of bands on ir calender
as being from Vancouver
seemed like a good place
at this point we had lost Shammy and Jen
just me and rhythm section

in usual form, Clifford and Dilbert befriended bartender
turns out she was from Labrador
next came obvious question
she asks, "you're from Corner Brook? do you know..."
during this pause i took opportunity to answer "yes"
odds are in your favour when you're from Newfoundland
sure enough
she grew up with two of my friends
who we were just hanging out with in Toronto
so we stuck around this bar until three in morning
and she let us stay at her place
fed boys vodka and seven in exchange for BC humour

next morning we were on our way again

we put on our best white knuckles and headed for Winnipeg
first speeding ticket for me this trip
fortunately we weren't going blindingly fast at time
officer was quite nice actually
he let me piss on side of road while he did his paper work

Winnipeg

holy fuck

i know i said this before but i'll say it again
holy fuck
i don't know what keeps this city moving
winters here must do quite a number on mental fortitude
this town is violent
graffiti is underlined in hatred and frustration
people are wild
i took Maggie for a walk
poor dog was assaulted with a barrage of smells
broken glass EVERYWHERE
as though some dick did a poor job of paving city with glass
a bench near bar wore a ring of blood
underneath was a sock drenched red
and not far away ano r rag soaked through
i'm not even joking when i say bones littered street
it's a city that is drunk
staggering from an abundance of alcohol
or from a thundering hangover

man, can this town party
first band got kicked off of bill at last moment
literally
something about someone under age
so we were up first
for those of you from Vancouver picture
Cobalt:
very similar place
now imagine an entire city like that
that may be an exaggeration
but i will leave it up to you to come find out
our scope was limited to old downtown area

"louder" y would scream
it was a brutal set
something Vancouver lacks
a response
yes: re is an audience out re
no: y're not folding ir arms and sulking

best damned show of tour
headlining act, Vagiants, rocked
as in ROCKED
good time rock and roll
lot's of sweat and flailing
ignore name that may make a prude's face twist
go see m

Royal Albert put us up that night
and bartender, Quinton, came up and drank
beers with boys

see you at Metro in Calgary on Sunday

Odie

Subject: chariots to home: Calgary
Date: Sun, 2 Sep 2001 11:46:42 -0400 (EDT)

day 30, just barely

ouch
it seemed like a prudent idea to crash on freeway just outside of Calgary
with look of meatballs on our way through last time
we figured a certain percentage became police officers
i'm not interested in a mace face wake up call

about an hour ago, as in seven in morning
i awoke in driver's seat
a short karate spaz later and i was taking this chariot to Calgary

re is a beauty to being on road this long
in so many different scenarios
every morning is a new sky
this morning a thick bruise coloured blanket of a cloud hung over entire sky
right up to our destination of Calgary
where we would just barely poke our head out
for a peek at what would be beyond

far fur r west i could finally see m:
cardboard cut-outs of mountains
our limited perspective on west coast forces us onto base of mountains
and we never see whole shebang from a distance
some sections were dark like silhouettes
o rs were hand painted murals
i was receiving opposite perspective of being on top of a mountain
now it was mountain that looked like toys and models instead of us ants

i am human knot
my foot is bleeding from Winnipeg's show
don't ask how for i do not know
tomorrow night we will be home for first time in one month
i'm sure re will a healing process
that which is called lying vertical in fresh underwear
many more stories to be told when we return home
it will be good to see our friends again

but tonight we continue to rock a little bit longer
brutalizing Calgary's club metro
in a last hurrah for open road before we
return home and show our town how it's done

Odie

Subject: end: vancouver
Date: Tue, 4 Sep 2001 10:54:14 -0400 (EDT)

day 31

welcome home

but how did we get here?
where were we last? Winnipeg?
somewhere outside of that town we wove a delicate
fabric of burning rubber

as our jets cooled and our paths straightened
a police car swung around to give us a word
i poked my head out of driver's seat window
as per usual i'm only wearing my shorts
it looks like Tarzan broke out of jungle and stole daddy's car

officer explains re has been complaints
of a blue station wagon cutting off a white station wagon
i begin to exit one station wagon
taking a glance down length of vehicle
and i sharply note out loud,
"this station wagon is not blue"
scratching my head as profoundly as i can muster without laughing
"it's all a matter of perception," he informs me

he takes our IDs and does his thing in his cruiser
after we explained we're on our way home
from this rock and roll tour
why is it y always pull us over when i've got to piss something bad?

he clears us to go
"i really don't know if it was you guys...
just try to slow it down...
160 is a little fast"
maybe he said 116

friendly Manitoban officer granted me permission
to use roadside urinal
once i assured him i wouldn't let anyone see me
and away he went

a short distance down road we passed him
we honked and waved
he waved back
friendly Manitoba indeed

fast forward to Calgary, late afternoon
me and rhythm section are swimming
at Marriott, downtown
compliments of Craig, Zoe and Curtis
who have driven from Vancouver for show

fast forward to show at metro
this is right about where fuctitude meter hits shit-eating roof

observe this web site to understand more clearly:
http://www.metrocalgary.com

now we're loading in our gear
band is stoked to discover dollar a beer special
until y realize bar has supplied m
with a flat of beer and a hundred dollar tab
y are now "thru" roof

as night grew dark club filled up
re is section where we are
maybe two or three hundred people
and re is dance section
maybe eight hundred to a thousand meatballs
waitresses cruise about in vinyl hot pants
and black tank tops with cleavage revealing action

specialty of house?

waitress hops up on bar or pool table or elevated surface
bar patron stands down below
waitress n pours a shot
straddles waiting customer with her legs
rests her chest on his head
pours shot down his throat
while doing a little shake and grind
it looks similar to doing bird dance on his face

yeah, i almost starting drinking right re
i seriously doubt y would have given me a shot of orange juice
oh well, that's one life experience i'll have to watch from afar

crowd was quite friendly
a pack of fermented yahoos
few that i talked to asked if we'd be doing cover songs
"it's easier to groove to"

fast forward to show
Old Harper from Winnipeg swang a sweet instrumental set
a taste of Shellac, Slint, and Fugazi
re's quite a few instrumental bands se days
it would be interesting to hear se guys with a singer
y may actually be getting in on Thursdays show at Sugar Refinery

we hopped up on stage next
having a limited amount of time to play
so gear had to be set up quickly
rumour has it Shammy had taken off to get a burger
which was at least an hour ago
everything was in place
including our phantom guitar player's amp and ax
show must go on, right?

Zoe joined us on violin for a few songs
and as set began Shammy strolls in
with a hugely confused face like,
"i recognize this band"
he looks at me i look at him
i give a mid-song head swing
and so he clambers on stage
grabs his out of tune guitar
and stands for a second
struggling with a way-deformed instrument
and n disappears as he had arrived

he returns a few songs later
to properly assist posse in delivering a royal thrashing

i know in writing this looks like it was bad show far from it
Shammy became butt of joke
something we will never let him live down
and gave what hell he had when he caught up

funniest comment from a stranger that evening:

i get a tap on my shoulder and a hand shake
followed by a disembodied voice from behind me
"you guys were pretty rad,
but you've got a few things to learn if you want a future"
and n knowing look
look that means
"i have privileged you with very great wisdom,
heed se words well"
i regret not being in mood to indulge his wisdom a bit more
you can learn a lot from a goof

Long Run continued to rock night on
with some straight up pop-rock and good times
and n Trikl Act completed evening
with a post-everything jazzy set
very worth seeing
keep your eyes open for m in Vancouver this October

and n show was over

we had completed our final on road show
with exception of our upcoming Victoria show

yet our night was far from over

we escaped economy sized hoochie bar very late at night
hauled our gear over to Trikl Act's rehearsal space
which was shared with a local atre group
meaning mad props
as in five foot high masks
large puppets
wheel of sodomy and money
ass or cash
gorilla suits
a flat of beer
wrestling
St. John Bomb
Asian Invasion
chocolate dog
Dilbert Lee springing off of a rickety coffee table
and diving onto Shammy
tag team

night bled into a mo r's horror sequence
of drunken young men throwing each o r about
and yelling most obscene possible phrases
beer splashing into an even layer over floor
Johnny Dragon Steamboat drop kicks
squealing tires
Shammy rolling up window on Dilbert's arm
a Dukes of Hazzard leap over roof
passenger door is open
my foot is pushing Shammy's head into window
he's totally oblivious to Dilbert's o r arm
that he is repeatedly closing his door on
o r unattended station wagon
West Side Door Bender
resulting in my door no longer working
Shammy's eating a faceful of soggy spit drenched sunflower seeds
a shower of zinc enriched goodness in paste format
more squealing tires
most popular finger
grown men wrestling like adolescents on hoods of cars
a kick in ass a door in gut
squealing tires

next morning i felt what it was like to sleep
a good night's sleep
after breakfast we hit road

at 3pm

mountains approached
as Calgary drew away from us prairies began to bunch up
like a wet towel on floor
ridges began to form
and our road twisted into a familiar and comfortable shape
sky began to look right again
broken clouds and a limited scope of outer space
Clifford's reaction time started to pick up
he was getting smarter as we got closer to home
"nine," he said
we weren't sure why at first
we could no longer remember question

it seemed prudent to let him finish last hour of drive
when my head got too sketchy to decipher road

this road trip turned into a cruel illusion
an inverted mirage
from a distance it was hard to believe
closer we came to it more real it seemed

and now

i dozed off near Hope
and awoke in time to sing " boys are back in town"
when we had left i was on first sleeping shift
i left and returned to this city in slumber
and what seemed like my entire life has collapsed
into a convenient time capsule
like i never left
all of those days and memories are filed under
tour of 2001

for all of our efforts and adventures life is
largely same as it ever was
not a step forward
not a step backward
only a wider stance

after delivering everybody home
i made a stop by my living room, Sugar Refinery
just in time to hang out with Ween at ir after party
i know A Minus might be a little envious
and now i'm here at work
and it's quarter to eight in morning
nothing has changed

i look forward to a wearing a different shirt and
my o r pair of jeans
if i were a rented home
i would not be getting my damage deposit back

at this point i thank all of you who enjoyed stories from road
re will be two more for our remaining two shows
and n i will properly say good bye
and thanks to everybody who helped us out along way
all of stories, including Shammy's, are
posted on web site

thanks again

Odie

Subject: Tour Diary 17 - Winnipeg Fight Face
Date: Wed, 05 Sep 2001 21:49:55 +0000

winnipeg is a tough place
a tough skin is needed
at least winnipeg
Odie and A Minus experienced

bar tender at royal albert
came up to our free room
and partied with us after bar closed
he'd been re 10 years
and had many stories;

a couple of years ago
a touring band was flying
on some drugs of some sort
in ir room post-set
when some poor bastard
mistook ir room and bathroom
for his own room.

one of high bandmembers
upon discovering him
using ir toilet
threw him out window

three floors down
onto pavement
where he broke his back

later, a week after his back healed
he got hit by a taxi
and died

(Garfield)

Subject: Tour Diary 18 - Cowtown & A Minus
Date: Wed, 05 Sep 2001 21:52:12 +0000

calgary was my least favourite experience
on way across

but thanks to clinton and his band
Trikl Act
we had a great time

we arrived in calgary after a hectic
day and a half trip from winnipeg.
i got pulled over two and a half times
on that stretch
no tickets
and first officer let Odie
piss on side of road
while he checked our licences.

jen, maggie and i camped in herbert, sask.
and made it in nick of time
to unload into metro, calgary

metro is fantastic
it is a large meatballish dance hall,
a large meathall
with a smaller room near entrance
called toxic lounge
where we rocked a killer set to about 300 people

well, i rocked a partial killer set.
i walked in thinking
hey, i recognise this song?
as i stood contemplating Odie, A Minus and zoe
playing to me
Odie did a flick of his mullit
in between two lines
which i interpreted as
"get up here, you idiot"

he said i'm fired
and i'll never live it down

i told him to go screw himself
cause tour's basically over anyways

trikl act ended night
with ir great sounds
awesome

it was n that Dilbert and i
were trying to figure out what type
of touring rock musicians
don't meet any girls
while touring

after a few beers
and a partial rock set,
taking off my shirt
and walking through a club
of meatballs
to meet girls seemed like a good idea

probably almost as good an idea
as Clifford and tire swing

fortunate for me
Odie and rest of A Minus
had my back

(Garfield)

Subject: Tour Diary 19 - Odie, A Minus & YOU
Date: Wed, 05 Sep 2001 22:25:26 +0000

trip back we drove
into sunset every night

most beautiful was sun
dropping behind mountains
that i hadn't looked at in a month
that looked like a cheap movie set

rockies creep up quick
while still driving through
fields of wheat

my rubbery arms
my squid limbs
still managed to steer wagon
along mountain roads

i couldnt go any fur r
and we took up camp in banff

for those of you in vancouver
please join us tomorrow night (thursday)
at sugar refinery
for a warm welcome home

for a clean welcome home
(i should have enough time to wash myself)

look forward to some good old friends again,

Garfield

Subject: only in Vancouver
Date: Sat, 8 Sep 2001 02:56:27 -0400 (EDT)

i love this town
so allow me pleasure to roast it

last night was our home coming night
Kimmie sang a sweet set
with her guitar slinging sidekick Russ
following up was Old Harper's bonus performance
which prompted a noise complaint
and a visit from local police officers
show continued with Chad MacQuarrie
showcasing his usual guitar face
and excellent musical skillz
night wore thin
we stepped up at midnight and broke it clean apart
in standard form treating our show like an extreme sport
it was good to play for some familiar faces again
however most were strangers to me

it was a bit of a let down to see night end so early
after a month of watching sun rise with every party
going to sleep at 3am seemed a little odd
no more special occasions
of being in a new and exciting town

tour is unofficially over
we have one more show in Victoria on 29th
it's time to lick our wounds
recover some huge expenses
re is a grim figure on my bank statement
it does not quite meet three digit standards
couple that with a portly visa bill
triple it with an outrageous long distance bill
quadruple with all sorts of car issues
we'll develop pictures from road
when we can afford it
shortly after that begin to make plans for a new recording
finally we'll get this band on tape
probably do that thing with music video
i mean it's what i do for a living
so why not make a video for myself?
once that's done
it'll be time to apply for a grant
and start booking shows for next summer
make government pay for it this time

what can i say?

it's been great playing music for all of you
and i look forward to doing it again
a big shout out to all of our old and new friends
who put us for night(s)
fed us anything at all
be it beer or food
and all great places we got to play
even crappy ones

tune in at end of month for Victoria story

Odie

Subject: vancouver: terminal city
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2001 16:51:35 -0400 (EDT)

day x

as promised we have brought you end
in many more ways than one
we are seeing end of all sorts of things here
Shammy's question of an old love is answered
he moves to Kamloops tomorrow
or was it Kelowna?

whichever; it's far

re is a huge shift of everything here
tour ending is most minor of all changes right now
let's put aside world at war for a second
because you don't need me to inform of those circumstances
CNN will take care of that

personally i have found peace in a damaged past
resolution that i didn't think would be possible
a haunt that i had hoped would let go
funny how it turns out i was ghost
now with free hands

o rs of us are seeing end of unspecified circumstances
kept vague to avoid hanging of dirty laundry
an end born from new beginnings

this tour has acted like a river
coming down from mountains
bringing fresh water with it as it goes
in some cases it has severed masses of land
in o rs it has provided a route for our boats

this tour had to end for a new one to begin
and it ended in a soft fashion

comparably

friday night stretched into saturday morning
as we talked long about old times
and by afternoon we had ga red everybody
making tracks for ferry

idea was to catch one o'clock ferry
always a good idea to aim for way more time than you need
because se A Minus boys are LAZY

Craig took a carload of gear and bodies for us
and he wanted to get re early
to hang out with some old friends
so he left as soon as he could
not feeling up to a mad bomb to ferry

different story with us
it was about 12:30 when we left east van
one o'clock ferry?
probably not
but we would try anyway

re is something inherently stupid
about cutting/pissing off o r drivers
on your way to ferry
you are all going to same place
and you will all be parked in same line up for a long time
and you will all be on same ferry for two hours
so when sign indicated that right lane was ending
and i saw red camper ahead of us putting along
it seemed prudent to power bomb our way through
swinging into yellow danger zone
as vacationing elderlies drifted into close proximity
and oncoming traffic screwed up ir faces
uttering, "idiots..."

we made it to ferry exactly at one o'clock
just in time to hear horn blow
and watch boat roll away
and to wait in line
as red camper puller up next to us
my only thoughts were that this old guy
with his strap on hair and plaid shirt
was on his way over to give me a face massage
of shiatsu sort
more of a knuckle massage really
his wife accompanied him
and his senior citizens group piled out of back

both parties were possed up

our van-full of hooligans with arms crossed
outside of this bad ass machine
Garfield took sniper position with his camera
looking for a good photo-op
hair man and his wife reaches our vehicle
he gives me a look
scans crowd and asks,

"which one of you was driving?"

i had been debating telling him that Julia was driving
it would have been a lot more comical
to watch her jaw drop
moments before she would knock mine off of my face

"that would be me," i replied

"that was a very stupid maneuver you pulled back re"

"it sure was," i confessed with a small amount pride

"you know if i had pulled over a bit more..."
he made a gesture with his hands
demonstrating motion of a sideswipe

"...we would have been dead meat," i continued for him

"yeah..."
his look was a combination of concern and confusion

his wife took my arm
oh fuck, here comes tag team
n she looks at me through her gradient shaded glasses

"you know, i have a son your age,"
of course she does
"and when i think about that..."

i don't remember if she finished her sentence
but she didn't have to
her sentiment reached us
Shammy lowered his camera
his heart reached up and strangled his demonic squid limbs
re would be no pictures taken of this sweet old lady
looking into my eyes with her own pleading ones
"please don't do that again..."

i could not respond

you don't lie to nice folks like that
you give m a compassionate smile
meaning that you understand ir concern
but when we get o r side of water
we will push gas pedal through fucking floor
and if y get in our way again
we will tear a strip of fire next to m and howl

i have total respect for m
and life y wish to live

it was later explained as this:
we have done m a favour
we have supplied m with a good hour of conversation
y can reel in shock and disdain at our barbarism
"kids se days..."

try this on for size
you're old: you complain
you're young: you provide something to complain about

two blocks from venue we got a speeding ticket
i had just thrown in some Iron Maiden
re was one of us with out a seat
that equates to no seat belt
we were doing 80 in a fifty zone
half of folks in back were drinking fireball

that's a lot of problems

upon pulling over i hopped out to go deal with officer
picture perfect
he had a look at me through his shades
disapproval
moustache of course
he stepped off of his motorcycle and gave me his fight face
i decided not to waste any time,

"speeding, hunh?"

he agreed
clued me in on how fast
and on how much over limit i was going

"if i were to ticket you for speed you were going, you would have to sell all of people in that mini van on black market to cover cost of ticket and abundance of points you would lose and astronomical towing charge that would be applied plus medical bill for sodomy you're going to suffer in jail tonight"

this is where a speeding ticket usually starts
y present worst case scenario
now i have a gauge as to how compassionate he is being

n he explains that he actually clocked me
a few KM/H under what he had first registered me
and n he explains what range of speeds over limit he usually lets go

my usually jive goes like this
"oh, yeah, that's... no re's no really good excuse for that, i guess"
his reply being, "no one's dying right? re's no fire"

"no, we're pretty excited about playing our show tonight"

"oh yeah? where are you playing"

"down at Thursdays"

"it's just a few blocks down road"

"figures i would get a ticket this close to place"

he warmed up after friendly banter
at which point Shammy is out of van with his camera

"mind if i get a picture of you guys for our tour?"

unfortunately he lost his camera later
but we did get a massively reduced fine
and i explained that we definitely wouldn't be doing that on way back
plus we didn't get busted for open liquor
and lack of seatbeltage

i hate Victoria
nice town
interesting alleys
what is wrong with people?
driving about with heads in clouds
sneering at rockers loading gear
as though we are some huge disturbance to ir settled life style
atmosphere left me uncomfortable

on top of that something was wrong with band
it took a few hours to figure out y were sober
Garfield's face lit up
"i know, look at me, i could work at a job right now!"

night kicked in and show started late
Fond of Tigers delivered his atmospheric soundscape
in supreme knob twiddling fashion
later joined by Assertion boys
to play a bit of a prog rock song
tight

a nice bridge for our rock show
and perhaps one of tightest shows we've played to date
ending off with a newly written epic
that echoed "free bird" from a heckler

and n Assertion stepped up to plate
finishing us off with some impressive musicianship

Masa i have known to play saxophone
so months ago when i found he had joined Assertion
to replace ir bass player i was a little intrigued
nice work, Masa
he is an energetic fellow
shreds four string
a very tight band

it's one thing to be tight
when you strum two chords per bar
in four four time
but se guys are fucked
supreme wood chopping

post show:

re was a little reflection on tour
on how despite Shammy taking off his shirt
and strutting through club metro in calgary
in a attempt to get lucky with a hoochie mamma
re was a certain failure of band's masculine pride
to not getting laid on road

we had a friendly fellow toss between best friend
to slave master to fight face
to a point where i thought he was taking Mike home

we drove for an hour finding just right motel:
Paul's Motor Inn
it was flashing lights that sold us
we left poor Jen B with some toasted bagels:
Garfield, Mike and Dilbert
look of dismay on her face was tremendous
she knew se three
and she knew how y were when y were drunk
so Jen reportedly dove under covers
and waited for storm to blow over
and start again first thing in morning
rest of of us crashed at Mark and Wozzle's place

next day:

breakfast at Thursdays and loading up gear
driving down Cook street
"hey that's where we got that speeding ticket"
watching as street corner sped by at 80 kmph
one romantic ferry ride later and it's back to vancouver
side door wide open passing lemonade to Craig's car
i'm not sure how unnerved he was by driving fiasco
he seemed alright later that night at practice

we got back to stationa's house

that was end

in a final embrace i tackled Shammy onto lawn
and a patch of mushrooms
which he foolishly brought to my attention
such that i became inspired
to rub mushrooms into his face and hair

and that is how our story ends

with great thanks to everybody who helped us out
and those amusing jerks who made it difficult for us
you all made it a very entertaining trip

end

Odie